Brother and sister,
together as friends,
Ready to face
whatever life sends.
Joy and laughter
or tears and strife.
Holding hands tightly
as we dance through life.
Suzie Huitt
Flying over New Mexico on my way to Phoenix, I peer through the airplane’s small window, taking in the vastness of the red rocks below. I’m going home to the desert. To the funeral of my brother’s son.
People in my life keep leaving. They move away or they change. Sometimes they just stop answering my calls. Or they die. Abruptly, they’re gone from my life. I don’t know why this keeps taking me by surprise or why the blow to my heart doesn’t diminish with its recurrence. I’ve been collecting losses and abandonment along my path like souvenirs on a trip.
I can’t seem to find my way through the loss. Pain, heavy and suffocating, has set up residence in my chest. Not long ago, one of my sisters lost her husband to cancer. Around the same time, a close friend died from suicide. My heart–the organ that pumps my blood and the seat of my emotions–hurts from so much grief. And now, my nephew, this precious boy, not yet 21, is gone. Nickolas was only eight years old the last time I saw him. Maybe it was I who abandoned him.
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